A year ago I was in a very different place with myself. I was likely close to returning to the world of being an employee for someone. I was struggling with so many things but here’s a sample of a few of them:

• I don’t know I can be a very successful Agile Coach because they expect …
• They got the customer instead of me because …
• They just seem to have work fall on them while I’m struggling to find enough …
• They are holding me back because …

There are many more examples of this but it all comes down to a common theme. I was sitting pointing at so many external causes for why I was struggling. It must have seemed easier to just point fingers at an external cause. I had become so good at playing this game I was in a vicious cycle which could best be described as a downward spiral. For example:

• If I’m going to be an Agile Coach they expect me to be a TDD expert (Test Driven Development) . I need to learn how to really do TDD. Doing this level of work really doesn’t interest me anymore. But I can’t be an Agile coach without being a TDD expert. OMG I suck 🙁

• I know I needed to network with people more. So I would sit looking through my contacts looking for people who would be good people to talk with. I would make a list of these people. Then when it came time to actually call them I would come up with one of thousands of excuses why it wasn’t the right time. After days of doing this I would realize I hadn’t talked to anyone. Then it would hit me I’m not going to be very successful as an entrepreneur if I don’t network more. OMG I suck 🙁

Here’s the problem: I was spending more time pointing to them then on taking real actions that would get me out of this downward spiral. Needless to say pointing to them really wasn’t changing anything. It was actually just perpetuating the cycle I was in and having me playing smaller and smaller.

Fast forward to today

What I know is when I’m playing small it is because of something I am creating, choosing or attracting. Confronting what is real for me is not always easy, but I don’t know of any other way to move past this place. It might be I’m fearful of how I will be judged by others. It might be some societal expectation I was taught a long time ago. It might be I’m uncomfortable with my vulnerability. Regardless of the reason it certainly doesn’t serve me or my clients to be playing small any longer and I choose something different. I am going to own it!

I know as a part of being human I’m going to tell myself stories which will turn into beliefs. I choose to eradicate these stories I’ve been telling myself when I find them. I choose to live my life based on what is true for me. I choose to stop worrying about judgement of others when I’m standing clearly within my values & beliefs. I choose to confront what is true when I find myself playing small.

I choose to play big!

To give credit where it’s due: 

– To my friend Andrew Annett who had the buttons created you see in the image. Recently this button has taken on a much deeper and personal meaning for me as I’ve learned what it means to stop playing small

– To my friend & mentor Christopher Avery who helped me learn what it means to be responsible for my own life. My reality is something I am Creating, Choosing or Attracting