A team had arranged for an after-hours social event. One of the team members told the team they wouldn’t attend. The team leader responded by saying he’s not a good team member if he doesn’t attend.

When you weaponize shame, the implication is that you are blaming the other person for a problem. Blame is more likely to cause the other person to withdraw or put up their defences.

You will not find acceptable solutions when you weaponize shame.

By weaponizing shame, you’re more likely to break down your relationship, have people feel invalidated, or worse yet, resign.

Does this sound like leadership to you?

Rather than trying to shame someone into doing something, try supporting them.

When the team member turned down the social event, the team leader would have had a better impact by saying, “No problem. I’m going to miss you as I value you as a teammate.”

You’ve got this.