I quit! Ok not really but over the past month this was a thought I had crossing my mind. I was in a place of wondering if I had chosen the wrong career path, and whether I should be doing something easier (like cutting grass or driving that street sweeper I hear outside right now). I know my saboteurs were getting in my way, so I continued through this mire knowing I would figure it out.

Over six months ago I started down this path of becoming a Co-Active® Coach. My journey during the core curriculum was an incredible experience. If you’ve been following my blog posts in the past few months you saw the signs of what was happening for me. It started to show itself back in January with the most There is nothing easy about confront. Then really got unlocked resulting in Being vulnerable with vulnerability. 

If you were around me at the end of core curriculum you’ll know I was at my most powerful self. I was focused, having a lot of fun, and just couldn’t imagine doing anything else. I was firmly present with myself and would regularly say “I’m done playing small”. Yet here I was several weeks ago in a place of playing small …. WTF?!?!

What happened?

To be honest I’m having trouble pointing to a cause for why my saboteurs were playing bigger than me. One theory I have is as I had a gap in my Agile coaching work, leading to every entrepreneur’s question of where the next client will come from. Another theory is given all the Co-Active coaching I’ve been doing I have become conciously aware of the areas of incompetence (or at least where I believed they were). Whatever the reason I was playing a smaller game.

The impact is my work started to feel like running on auto-pilot. My writing became more of a chore rather than the free flowing words that came out in Jan-Feb. Coaching seemed to continue along, but I had to fight hard to continue to stay in service of my clients rather than slip back to listening to the voices in my head.

Noooo!!!!

I am very fortunate to have some incredible people in my life!

To start with I would like to acknowledge Rosie (my wife). Without her love, support and patience none of this would be possible or worthwhile. I don’t know if you’re aware of how much impact you have on me … I love you!

My coach Deborah Preuss-Hartman who provides me such good coaching and support (not to mention a good coaching role model). Joni Mar, who is my Co-Active Certification Pod Leader who has reminded me to be compassionate with myself as they didn’t build the Taj Mahal over night. My good friend and mentor Julie Zuzek who’s compassion and passion have inspired my coaching work in so many ways she can’t be aware of. My coaching clients who empower our coaching relationship and inspire me to be the best coach I can.  This list could just go on and on with all the incredible people around me.

A couple days ago it suddenly hit me what was happening! There is one relationship I need to nurture above all others … the relationship with me!

This realization started to open up during my last coaching session earlier this week. Deborah guided me towards my future self, and helping me to become fully present with the person I will be (actually I think I already am this person … but those damn saboteurs keep telling me something different).

Start with myself

As a coach I know the most important relationship I have is with myself. As a leader I know the same applies. To do this I need:

• Spaciousness – make it OK to push my own boundaries to give myself room to grow in ways I couldn’t imagine
• Safety – be compassionate with myself and don’t let those damn saboteurs beat me up when I’m not at my best
• Trust – trust all that I am as that wisdom, intuition, power and so much more will serve me well
• Heart – when I trust and follow my heart I am at my most powerful self and live my life purpose more fully 
• Intimacy – Create a deep connection with myself as this is one of my most powerful gifts

My vision for this world 

My vision for this world is a place where everyone is fully alive! A place where everyone is playing big! I’m going to do my best to help this vision by playing big myself. I know this starts with being present with my most powerful self which I am!

I know I’m going to slip again … it’s called being human. However when I do I will return to my relationship with me and know …

I am enough!

Now … I’m going back to playing big … who’s with me?!?!